


i was here (i lived, i loved)

by skyish



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), infinity war - Fandom
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Hinted peter/tony, I Don't Even Know, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Peter deserved better, Peter im sorry, Please Don't Kill Me, Short One Shot, Song: i was here, Thoughts before dying, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 10:31:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14616492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyish/pseuds/skyish
Summary: it's fine. peter's done more road than he thought he'd ever do as a sixteen year-old wannabe superhero.





	i was here (i lived, i loved)

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote that on my way to work in less thirty minutes... forgive me for any mistake made. 
> 
> Also... don't ask me what that is i don't even know either.

 

  
_I was here_

  
everything happened so fast; from sneaking out of a bus to leaving earth on a spaceship.  
peter was both thrilled and terrified —when would he ever have the opportunity to brag about being to another motherfucking planet?  
  
(it never occurred to him back then, that he'd never get to brag about anything else in the future. not to ned, not to anyone else.)  
  
ned was so going to freak out when he'll hear about that.  
  
(he will, but peter wasn't going to be the one to tell him.)  
  
he was in space, fighting thanos alongside tony and other superheroes. adrenaline rushed in and despite the overwhelming awareness of not being up to others' level, peter gave it his all because he was Spiderman.  
  
he was here to fight, to defend, to protect, to avenge.  
  
(until he wasn't anymore.)

  
  
_I lived_

  
the guardians and doctor strange are no more than dust in a matter of seconds. they stay quiet for a few seconds more, blink into a nothingness where there used to be life. it's this matter of seconds that lead on peter into making him believe he survived thanos.  
  
(is it over? did thanos win? mr.stark is it over?)  
  
but a knot settles his stomach —a tingling sensation peter knows way too well to ignore. his senses tell him its coming.  
  
(he didn't survive.)  
  
peter wishes tony hadn't been so slow to turn back to face him.

  
for a boy facing danger daily, months before meeting tony stark and been gifted of an upgraded suit, he fought evil before and peter supposes that, for a boy, he lived well.

he lived longer than he thought he would.

  
  
_I loved_

  
  
from there, peter knows. he stares back into tony's watering eyes lingering on his fading body and he knows. he knows collapsing against his crush's chest hadn't been the hug he long wished for. he knows he nourished enough love for tony —enough for a lifetime, more than what his little body could handle.

and he knows perhaps taking this attraction for the older man to the grave with him was better than punishing tony by sharing that a sixteen year old boy lusted after the charismatic persona behind iron man.  
  
(not that it could've ever worked out, anyway. the only benefit of him fading is that the pain of growing unrequited feelings faded, too.)  
  
it almost didn't hurt.  
  
(almost.)

  
  
_I did, I've done, everything that I could and it was more than I thought it would be_

  
his vision turns black and tony's panicking face is gone before peter begs him not to cry. he doesn't want people to cry for his death. he hopes that when tony (or anyone, really) remembers him, they remember the people he saved and how he contributed the world. not how he failed to save it when it most needed him.  
peter was no God, no rich genius with unlimited resources of gadgets, no magical creature.  
  
peter thinks he's done the job pretty well with what he was given.  
  
(too bad he'll never remember that.)

  
  
_I will leave my mark, soul_

  
peter prays to the endless stars in the galaxy, that tony will never forget him. that doctor strange had been right from the moment he took a peak into their future, and that his death was worth it.  
  
(no one ever answered.)

  
  
_Everyone will know_

  
tony's alive, so, peter considers dying in these conditions to be pretty damn worth it.

  
  
_I was here_


End file.
